Facebook Friend-Zoned

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Some of you may be aware of a recent “friend” issue of mine – or some may call it a four part drama lol. For those who missed it…It started with one honest message (here), stung by a reply (here) followed with another message (here) and temporarily concluded… (Here)

So what happened next?
I left it alone for a few days, I spent a few days being angry and then sad…and then plain pissed off…and then sad…but I didn’t cry and i think its because i realised something i already knew really…we aren’t in THAT kind of friendship. We are mates… hanging out through boredom, moaning to each other about trivial shit because we like a good moan every now and then, laughing our arses off…witty twitter banter….getting drunk, karaoke singing, stumbling home kind of mates…and she’s proved this by totally overreacting and freaking out by learning of my situation…like when a guy freaks out because his one night stand turns into a 2 day stay. its unchartered territory for us…its real life problems…ADULT/GROWN UP problems and she doesn’t know how to deal with that…because when we are together we don’t (usually) care about being grown ups. (Of course I still don’t agree with how she reacted OR understand how she can become a counsellor with an attitude like that…maybe she CAN cope when its someone she doesn’t know…I don’t know)

The more i thought about it the more upset i got (still not crying though) thinking about the awkwardness between mutual friends…when do i delete her from Facebook?…do i text to say happy birthday? how do you go from mates to nothing without making it bitchy? I turned to my bestest friend of 22 years – the one who knows EVERYTHING from start to finish…she knows the back-story like most on here but she’s also been through it with me every step of the way…most importantly she knows ME inside and out. I think I’ve spoken about her before – she’s the one i have phone dates with as we don’t get the chance to physically see each other and she’s amazing…and she said

 ’I wouldn’t be too hasty to  cub her out of your life. You need your friends at the mo and whilst you don’t need friends with attitudes like hers at the mo she may come round after a few days/ weeks / months of thinking about things. I’d do exactly what you said and leave the ball in her court. X’

And so i did, i figured an open ended reply after a few days would not only leave the ball in her court but also cool the situation so that at least if nothing came of it it wouldn’t have ended on harsh terms (from me anyway) and it could slowly dwindle with no regrets on my part.

So I said ‘Ok well you know where I am if you ever need me x’ …to which she replied ‘OK x’ whilst I was still typing…(BTW her and i don’t DO kisses in messages…unless shit is going down OR unless its the last message before bed -in case either of us died.) ‘For the record… I’ll miss your face (and bumole) just sayin’

I put my phone down expecting to hear nothing else but less than a minute later she made a joke about growing out her bumole hair to its full length (grim I know but she always joked that i was creepy and we had many in jokes about bumoles (lol) The banter went on for a few minutes until she changed the subject and started talking films, Eurovision…everything BUT serious stuff – which i all i really ever asked for…

We ended up talking for about an hour and it was just like normal and ended by saying see you on twitter for eurovision etc and that was that. There was one tweet to each other throughout the show which is a lot less than we used to do but…it felt like a nice ending to last weeks shit – like a final fling with an ex.

I know I’m never going to trust her fully, i don’t think i will ever really respect her for acting that way towards me – I’m all for opinions but there’s a line and she crossed it as far as I’m concerned BUT as far as being civil goes… I’m ok with that. we have history, memories and (like with my husband) even if a lot of them weren’t her being her true self…it was still ME being ME when they were made, they’re still MY memories and i still care for her…even if she never really cared for me in return.

I would never want to hurt her or seek revenge; i would always be happy for her and want her to do well…even if only from afar…basically I’d be a friend to her but the reality is that she wouldn’t return the favour; she’s fun, a drinking buddy, someone to meet to go to a concert with… NOT someone to pour your heart out to and expect any kind of comfort from. I get it now, the boundaries have been set, the barriers are up… it’s been realised. She’s now one of those old friends whom you have on your facebook because you’re too nosey to delete or too polite to get rid of… yeah its shitty but its happened…she’s now been facebook friend zoned

xBx

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