*Send*

Message (85/365) (Photo credit: andrewrennie)

Yesterday a friend was arranging a date for her next visit. I’ve hardly seen her since all of this kicked off – mainly because she doesn’t agree with me staying with him but also because she’s kind of fobbed me off seeing as I’m not up for going out drinking all the time anymore. I just don’t have the energy – or money anymore- and to be fair until recently I haven’t felt strong enough to let the good old depressant of alcohol take control without having a nervous/public breakdown…shouldn’t stop her visiting though should it?

During the message I asked if she was staying over and she said she wasn’t sure yet and she needed to figure out days and times etc…all well and good. But THEN she added ‘I don’t want to hang out with idiot boy though lol he can fuck off’ I asked if she was referring to my husband and she said yes so I said well I don’t know what (he) is doing that weekend but I’m guessing he will be around so we will have to see…and the conversation was swiftly moved on.

Blood boiling I decided I needed to take a breather and compose a message to tell her exactly how shit that made ME (her friend) feel. Before you start I understand she’s looking out for her friend etc BUT she doesn’t know everything – she doesn’t know half as much as you guys do -mainly because she’s completely shut me out after hearing that I was sticking it out with him and working through it (or at least trying to) and as far as I’m concerned, I’m the one living it, I’m the one who gets to decide when enough is enough and a FRIEND should be there to support that no matter what. …am I wrong?

She likes drama, she likes getting involved in everyone else’s business; on the night before our wedding she told me how if this one guy said anything to her on the day that she would kick off and tell him straight…cause a scene…based around her…on MY wedding day. When all of this happened she was on Facebook in minutes writing a vague status about my husband and his friends and deleting them all…making it about her when I had avoided Facebook to keep a low profile.

She is training to be a counsellor (face palm) and has SO many obvious issues of her own yet she uses everyone else to deflect and spin it around. She slags one of her close friends off to me all the time…and I know she does the same back about me…I don’t trust her anymore. There’s SO much more to it but I don’t want to delve into that right now… my counsellor described her as a ‘virus’…

Since all this kicked off she’s been difficult to say the least, she always refers to him in a nasty way (much worse than this occasion) she would visit and not speak to my husband…whose house she was visiting. She would make things SO awkward -for me- that the idea of seeing her again makes me anxious as hell and that’s NOT how I should be feeling about seeing a decent friend right now :/
So…today I sent the message:

Without wanting to sound like I’m on the attack (cause I’m really not) something’s been niggling and you know me…I need to get it out.

I don’t like the way you talk about (my husband), I get that you’re probably on the defensive side/sticking up for me in a way and entitled to your own opinions but … I’m married to him and hearing you slag him off isn’t nice – or helpful lol. To be honest it makes me uncomfortable; I feel like I’m in he middle of 2 people I care about and -although he’s none the wiser to it- I’m the one its affecting and upsetting.
I don’t want to lose your friendship (at all) and I realise that it’s a difficult situation for you too seeing your friend in a situation like this but at the end of the day I’m the one living it. There’s a lot more to it (his past etc) which I haven’t told you – mainly because its HIS stuff that HE needs to deal with- and some I still don’t know myself yet (although I DO know he hasn’t murdered anyone lol)

He’s messed up (both in terms of what he’s done and emotionally) but we are working on it, he’s going to therapy regularly and he is trying to figure it out. Already a lot of the work they have done has explained why he is the way he is or his mind set etc. it makes sense.

I’ve had to wipe the slate clean and start again with him, Its not easy, it is going to take a lot of time and effort before we see any major improvements but right now progress is being made regularly, slowly and steadily and that’s what I’m focusing on.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is please can you do the same? At least around me (lol needy mofo). I don’t want to sweep it under the carpet but I don’t want to sit around talking about it all the time or analysing what’s happened either because its not going to help (me) by doing either of those things. I just need a support network that supports me and my decisions (no matter how irrational they seem) but you know I’m too logical for that; someone to be normal (or the good crazy) with and take my mind off of all this stuff rather than dwelling on it etc

Love the shit out of you – you know me well enough to know how much I’ve hated writing this lol so I’ll duck, cover and fret until I hear back from you xx

I felt shitty as soon as I pressed *send*

She replied instantly saying ‘I will reply later when I’ve had time to think…and word it nicely’

So now…all I can do is wait.

Thoughts? What do you think she will say?

xBx